by Nick Bastion
Question: “I’ve been going out on dates again lately, and I realized…
I have a problem. I know this might sound weird, but I really can’t tell if a guy is actually flirting with me, or just trying to “be nice” to me to avoid being awkward.
How can I tell if a guy is flirting with me or just playing games?”
Well, Karen, this is a question I surprisingly get a lot.
Flirting gives you warm, tingly butterflies and can send a jolt of electricity through your veins. When a guy you can’t help but be attracted to is flirting with you, you can’t help feel like you’re high.
Except, what if you don’t know whether he is or isn’t flirting with you?
I know how confusing it can be when you think a guy is flirting with you, but you can’t tell if he’s just being nice or if he’s actually attracted to you.
Or maybe you’re in a situation where there are subtle things he does you’re trying not to read too much into, but in your gut you just get the feeling that he’s flirting. But then you doubt yourself and wonder if you’re just imagining things.
And let’s be real, reading body language is kind of difficult.
It’s hard to tell if a guy is really smiling at you because he finds you cute and funny… or because you have something stuck in your teeth.
And the constant knot of worry in your chest only grows as the date goes on and time passes! You begin reading into every single thing he does in case you miss out on some “glaringly obvious” social cue, and you try to do it without being obvious about it yourself.
It doesn’t have to be that way though. All you need to do is look for these signs.
- The Smile
Everyone has a different smile. Some people smile with their mouth closed and some smile with their teeth. (And some guys are just plain shy!) However, if you notice him smiling at you with a gleam in his eyes, there’s a really large chance he is interested in you.
- He Treats You Specially
When he talks to you, he leans forward and pays attention to you when he might not do that with other women. If he focuses on you more than other on women, it means he likes you.
The key thing to note here though is some guys are just naturally flirty and charming around women. Just because a guy talks and listens to a woman doesn’t specifically mean he likes her intimately.
Again, pay attention to how he treats other women. If he treats you the same way, he probably isn’t flirting, but if he gives you more, or special attention, he most likely is.
- He Touches You
A lot of guys subconsciously try to touch and connect with the women they like. He may simply let his hand touch yours for longer than necessary when handing you something, or he may lean in and touch your arm when talking. If he seems to be looking for a reason to touch you, he is likely flirting with you. This leads to my next sign…
- He Leans In
Body language can be difficult, but this is super easy to remember. If you notice a guy lean in and turn his shoulder to you while you are speaking to him, he is subconsciously focusing on you (and likely flirting)!
- He Remembers What You Say
Whether it’s a joke or a story, if he’s taking special interest in you he will remember what you say. I’ve noticed that (whether I want to or not) I will always remember what a woman I’m flirting with says. I can’t help it, it’s like I’m laser focused on everything about her when she’s around me.
- He Asks You If You’re Single (Or Hints At It)
If a guy ever expresses interest in whether or not you are single, he wants to know if you’re available. It’s an almost universal and “not so subtle” way to flirt.
And if he says something like, “how come a girl like you is single…” that’s him flirting.
7. The Blush
As I said earlier, some guys are just plain shy! If you notice that a shy man is blushing around you, it’s one of the most apparent signs he is trying to flirt with you. Any guy can blush when flirting though, so this does not just apply to shy guys.
8. The Nervous Twitch
If you see him fidgeting around, playing with his hair, randomly shifting in his seat, or even grabbing his ear then he’s nervous… and for a good reason too. This is because he is trying to flirt (and probably doesn’t know how or feels insecure because he wants to impress you).
These are some of the most common signs of flirting.
Now, with that said… flirting does NOT mean he wants to be in a relationship. Some guys flirt because they want to hook up. The major difference between a flirt, and a “nice guy” is that a nice guy will commonly avoid eye contact, physical touch, and committing to anything past “I’ll call you”.
If he doesn’t seem emotionally invested (andthat is what you want) then know that he probably isn’t, and you shouldn’t worry about that guy (unless you are okay with a casual non committed fling). But if you want something more, focus on the guy who is focused on you, and you will find yourself having a much happier dating life.
Until next time,