A new study explains SO much.
So it turns out that drinking soda is really bad for your penis.
Well, not yours specifically, every penis there is attached to a person.
Researchers at Copenhagen University have discovered that men who identify as soda addicts (drinking one liter or more of cola a day) not only experience more erectile dysfunction than the non-cola drinkers, but their sperm counts are lowered by as much as 30%.
I mean I guess that last part is good if you’re looking for an unconventional form of birth control. But it’s a moot point if he can’t manage to summon up a hard penis even for recreation, right?
Researchers studied almost three thousand men and found that soda junkies had an average sperm count of 35 million per milliliter. Those who turn their backs on the vile stuff have a walloping sperm count of 56 million per milliliter. Get down with your bad self, dudes all full of sperm and stuff!
A sperm count of 35 million is still medically normal. But that said it does put men at higher risk of eventually becoming infertile.
If you’re reaching for the Coke because you need that caffeine jolt, I do have some good news.
The same group of researchers also studied their subjects for caffeine consumption and found that even high intake of caffeine had no harm on the penis in the short or long term.
Huzzah! Bring on the lattes! Or on second thought, after all this sperm talk, maybe a frothy milk based coffee beverage was a poor choice.
It isn’t just regular soda that’s to blame, either. Scientists also studied men who drink diet soda and found identical results.
So while it’s great you’re watching your sugar intake, you’re still ingesting a chemical that is causing your dong damage. If you’ve made the effort to give up the sweet stuff, you are to be commended. But try and ditch the diet if you can. While they don’t have conclusive proof as of yet, signs are pointing to artificial sweetener as the culprit.
Color me not remotely surprised.
Remember, this is for men who drink SO MUCH SODA.
This and the ability to hang plastic balls from their pickup trucks are their rights as Americans. But if you just want to enjoy the occasional soda, doctors say that’s just fine.